Fadekemi collapsed on her bed one evening, dizzy and aching, yet her mind would not rest.
She had spent the entire day running errands for family, helping her younger siblings with schoolwork, and preparing meals for visiting relatives, all while ignoring her own fatigue.
Even as her body begged for rest, her mind raced with worry: “What will people say if I don’t help?”
While she laid to rest that evening, tomorrow’s expectations screamed louder than her exhaustion.
She had learned overtime that pausing meant weakness or not being good enough.
Trapped By Cultural Expectations
Many women grow up believing their worth is measured by endurance.
In many African homes, girls are trained to serve, submit, and overextend in the name of “good training” and Ile Oko preparation.
Feelings are silenced, exhaustion spiritualized, and sickness ignored because a “good woman” must always show capacity.
Rest becomes laziness; saying no becomes rebellion.
Serving others is noble, but not at the cost of yourself. Over-explaining, overextending, or erasing yourself to gain approval is not God’s design.
The Invisible Chains of Validation
Like Martha in Luke 10:40, many women are busy, anxious, and worn out, mistaking activity for value.
Validation becomes an invisible chain when identity is shaped by people’s reactions, spoken or unspoken.
Guilt follows rest while Anxiety follows boundaries.
Over time, self-worth erodes, joy fades, solitude becomes unbearable, and women remain trapped in relationships and environments they have outgrown.
“The fear of man brings a snare” (Proverbs 29:25).
Breaking Free
God never designed women to live imprisoned by approval.
Jesus withdrew to rest (Mark 1:35).
Esther obeyed God over people (Esther 4:16).
Mary chose presence over performance (Luke 10:42).
Break Free By:
- Renewing your mind daily with meditation (Romans 12:2)
- Choosing obedience over applause
- Practicing guilt-free rest
- Replace, “What will they say?”with “What is God saying?”
You are worthy before you work, loved before you serve, and approved in Christ; forever free.
